Too Sexy For This...

J: Mommy I want hotgirl videos. (on my iPod)
Me: You want what?! You're THREE!
J: Hotgirl videos. (Obviously having troubles with his pronunciation.)
Me: Say it again. Slowly.
J: Hawk. Girl. Videos.
Me: Hawk girl?
J: YES!
Me: Thank God.

(A few minutes later...)

J: Daddy, Mommy found me hotgirl videos.
Cliff: That's my boy!
Me: Jeez, Cliff! He's 3! And it's HAWK GIRL, not "Hot Girl".
Cliff: Oh...That's nice, son.
Me: Nice...

Overheard: My Handy Helper...

I give Jake a glass and two small bowls from snack time to take into the kitchen to put into the sink as we are finishing tidying up the living room. All the sudden I hear the garbage can lid opening.

Me: Jake! What are you doing?!

J: *pause* Um... Putting the cup in the garbage?

Me: WHY???

J: That's what you told me to do?

Me: No, I didn't. I said put them in the sink. Yikes! I just bought those glasses, dude.

J: Ooops!

I wonder how many cups/bowls/plates he's thrown into the garbage since he's started helping me clean the house?

Overheard: Stormy Weather...

Jake: Mommy, can we go outside if we wear sweaters?

Me: No, not today buddy  It's an inside day. it's stormy outside.

Jake: It's not stormy! I don't see any lightening, or hear thunder! (:O Cheeky bugger!)

Me: Nope, It's a wind storm. you'd blow away into the sky like a kite! Aaaaah! *pretends her hand is him flying into the sky.*

Jake: *looks at me for a minute, shocked. Then smiles and shakes his head.* No mommy, you're just joking me.

Me: A little bit, buddy. you could get knocked on your bum though.

Kicking my Bucket List...

One item at a time. I decided to be less passive this year and more agressive at attaining my own goals. Afterall, if I won't chase my own dragon, than who will?

Item one on my "Bucket List" was completed last weekend, my auntie came over for the weekend and taught me how to sew a quilt. She helped me set up our spare room in our basement as a hobby/sewing room for me, she generously contributed the 5" squares for the topper and helped me pick out the other items I'd need, as well as setting me up with the basics for what I'd need to make more, which is definitely in the works, and sets me up nicely for number 2 on my list.

Action shot!

Do you think he likes it?

with it's matching pillow, in my sewing room.

Napping Daddy approved, though quite short for someone who is 6' 3"tall!  LOL!

Item number 2 is to make more quilts if I was any good at making the first, (which I seemed to do tolerably well, it's a cute blanket!) and I decided to make a matching pillow for the original quilt, I had enough squares left over and enough backing and quilt batting to do more. So sew I shall!

Other items on my Bucket list are:

Going to Scotland for a few weeks (Hubby and I agreed this would be our 10 year anniversary present! He wants to fish the river Spey, I want to go wandering around in castles wearing cable knit sweaters!)
Getting a large piece tattoo done from mid thigh to the top of my foot (a peacock)
Getting my drivers license (32 this year and I still can't drive, what a joke!)
Getting my passport.
Going to Mexico.
Achieving and maintaining a healthy body weight.
Professionally publish some of my writing.
Creating something with pottery/clay, perhaps taking a class at a local college.

And many more items, but all of them achievable.  Some are mundane, some are extraordinary and will require a lot of planning and forethought, but it's not the intensity and difficulty level of these things That is the point, it's the journey that is life from start to finish. I want to be able to be there on my death bed, whenever that is, and not have regrets that I didn't do the things I wanted to do in my life.

I'll probably write more posts about my bucket list items. What are some of your life goals?

Clever, Clever!

Me, While getting Jake a snack before bedtime: *singing* Hello my honey, Hello my baby, Hello my Jakey-guy!!!

Jake: Hello my honey, Hello my baby, Hello my mommy-woman!

Me: *Uncontrollable laughter, big smooch on his face* You clever boy!

Jake: Mommy, You're my best friend.

Me: You're my best friend too, Jakey.

Post-Ticklus...

Jake, sitting awkwardly astraddle my legs, grabbing the pull strings on my hoodie and bouncing on me: "Giddy up, horsie!"

Me: "Nooooo. You've exhausted me. Mommy is tired."

Jake: "But, I am the cowboy. And you are the horsie.

*pause*

The ooooooold horsie."

Me: "You say the nicest things. That's a definite "No"."

Jake: "Aaaawwwwhh!"

"...And I Winned!"

Jake is playing on the leapster explorer handheld device that he got for Christmas. While playing a train game he just started a few minutes ago for the first time, he starts cheering:

"Yaaaaaaayyyy! Hey Mommy! See! I did this! I push this button here with the pen and it moves the tracks to the right. And the train can get through into a tunnel and then I winned! I'm a train master!"

Me: (thinking in my head) *Holy shit! he knows his lefts and rights, properly, and even I have trouble with them sometimes, I'm 31. He also just said an entire paragraph describing exactly how to play the game without me showing him anything, and he figured it out within 2 minutes. I HAVE A GENIUS CHILD!*

(out-loud) Excellent buddy, way to go!

A Christmas Poem...

 

T'was the day of Christmas and all through the house;

some hacking some snoring, except for the Haus(frau). 

The living room a disaster with toys everywhere;
the dishwasher's going without going anywhere!

The turkey breast; stuffing, in the slow cooker cooking;
Mommy's wishing for booze, but not really looking.
 

The preschooler (not) napping; toy shark in his fist; 

Mommy's heard him making noise, Oh gosh, now she's pissed! 

(not really...)
 

A ham, turkey, chicken, some veggies and pie; 

I'll be beat when I hit the hay ain't tellin' no lie!

Merry Christmas to all, It's been a long day; 

I'm tired but I'm happy, can't wait til tonight!




*snoooorrrreeeeee!!*

How Time Flies!

 1 year ago today I married the love of my life in our living room with close family and friends in attendance. Our JP was a really nice guy named Don that I picked on the BC Justice of the Peace website because I liked how awesome his smile was, when all the rest of them looked like they were sucking lemons in their pictures. (to be fair I'm sure they were perfectly fine, but I liked Don's smile.)

We had our "reception" at The White Spot restaurant in New Westminster, and everybody paid for themselves, in a casual, heartwarming grouping of all the people we loved best in the world that could make it on short notice (1 month from planning our wedding until the actual date...) It was intimate and wonderful and exhausting, and I sincerely hope I never forget a single thing about it.

My cousin Shannon paid for our flowers as a beautiful wedding present, my Auntie Peggy and Shannon combined culinary talents and made the most delectable french macarons (orange creme and vanilla creme sandwiched in between orange and vanilla flavoured delectable almond flour wafers, oh my god divine...) as our wedding favours, my best friend Heather was my matron of honour, and both Heather and my cousin Sylvie (who basically was my bridesmaid, if she were to have a title.) were infinitely helpful during the days before and the day of (and the days after, ha!) our wedding. We spent hours doing a bunch of different things the day before the actual ceremony, and Heather saved me hundreds of dollars by making boutonnieres and pin-on corsages for our wedding guests at the house. I feel like I'm leaving out thanks to people a year down the road, but suffice to say that whoever helped us do anything, the gratitude is there. Our little wedding wouldn't have gone nearly as smoothly without your help.

I have so many memories of that day, like my then two year old niece telling me that I looked like a beautiful princess, and then tooting in my hand! Hee! But the thing that stands out the most for me is the enormous smile on my Cliffy's face, when we finished saying our vows, that memory still makes me grin, and still brings tears to my eyes. I love you, my sweet, frustrating, stubborn, handsome, smart, artistic, talented husband. You gave me our son, you gave me your heart.

I love you so much. Happy first wedding anniversary, honey.

Loooooooveeeerrrssss.... In a not so dangerous time...

Mischief?

Uh, Yeah... I'd say mischief. *sighs*

All photographs taken by Heather Anderson-Clelland of hphotography.ca

Overheard: On Anniversary presents...

My first wedding anniversary with the Hubby is today, and I was having a late night conversation with one of my lovely cupcakes, Ms. Alli via chat.

Me: So, I either get diamonds or a teapot for my anniversary present... What do you think I'll get?

Alli: Oh oh! I hope it's a diamond-encrusted teapot!

Me: Ha! ...Completely impractical on a necklace.

Alli: Bahahahahhaha! You could be the Martha Stewart version of Flava Flav!

Happy (Pre) Hallowe'en, Spooksters! (photo entry)

I'm not a huge Hallowe'en person, but I am a huge crafts and crafting stuff person. So I enjoy making the costumes, and making the pumpkins look cool, but seriously dislike the fireworks, being scared, yadda yadda. I'm such a pill. 

However, Jake is being a lumberjack as a costume this year, (I have some sort of thing about putting beards on him, maybe it's because he looks like a wee version of my dad?) and I'll post up some pictures on or after Hallowe'en of him in his costume. Because he's really freaking cute.

Here's my pre-Hallowe'en selection of photos for you to browse at your leisure!

My son designed this one.

all of them on the steps up to the door.

My haunted house pumpkin in progress.
This took about 4 hours total to complete.

Finished Haunted house pumpkin.

Ah-hee-hee! This pumpkin is a real THRILLER!
I was literally singing thriller as I took the picture.

My MJ and Jake's second pumpkin. I think his looks rather skeleton-y.

Jake in front 2 of our pumpkins.
Me: Say "Happy Halloween!"
Jake: "No!"
Me: Okay just smile really big!
Jake: Okay. *insert cheesy awkward smile*

Overheard: On Hallowe'en Costumes...

A Conversation between my Husband and myself:

Linds, while making an attempt at a Hallowe'en costume princess hat, to my Hubby, as I place the hat on my head: "Hey baby, how do you think I could attach this hat to this headband?"

Hubby: *Pauses "Cover Me Canada", turns around and looks at me. There is this bizarre expression on his face and complete silence... You can hear crickets chirping.*

Linds: "I look retarded in this, don't I?"

Hubby: Trying to cover a huge grin with his hand. "No honey, Not at all."

Linds: "You're an absolutely terrible liar.

I love you. 

*pause* I'm so not putting this crap on my head."

Overheard: On Paper

*Jake farts around with the printer while I'm on my computer*
Me: Hey! Don't touch that babe!
Jake: But I need more papers!
Me: What? You had three sheets, did you finish cutting them with your scissors already?
Jake: No mommy, I didn't cut them, I raped them.
Me: ... Uh.... Ripped them?
Jake: Yes!
Me: It's all about pronunciation, my love. R-IIIII-pped.

Overheard: On Chinese Food.

H: I really want to order Chinese food from Asian Spice but they don't do pork.
Me: What?! What kind of Chinese food place doesn't do pork in their food?
H: I think it's a religious thing.
Me: So what, like... Kosher Chinese food? Does that even exist?
H: I have no idea.
Me: Ummm.. What would you even call that? Jewnese? ChiJew? *pause* ...ChiJew. That sounds better than Jewnese.

My Husband, Super-Consumer...

My son is almost 3 years old, and like most toddlers becomes fixated on particular movies. Right now, it's Disney/pixar's Cars. Lightning McQueen is Jakes most obsessed over Character. Follow closely by Mater. 

He's got lines from the movie down pat,  and my husband is a BIG sucker for picking up stuff that will drive Jake gaga. 

From small to large figures of the characters to pencils with Mater and Luigi erasers, to the potty we are using to potty train Jake that revs it's engine instead of flushing, and a dozen other things that (in my opinion) our son definitely does not need as he ignores 50-70% of his existing toys Jake is getting very, very spoiled.

Last weekend, my darling hubby took Jake out during the morning and they stopped off at Princess Auto Parts. On the way out of the store Jake spotted miniature traffic cones which made his day. Why? Well for anyone that has watched cars, one of the main characters (Sally) owns a motel in the shape of traffic cones. Jake gleefully exclaimed "Look Daddy! Cozy cones!" and because they were inexpensive... We now own four small traffic cones. AS WELL as all of his other cars related toys. 

Seriously. 

I Can Haz April Fool?

Ok, so I officially fell for 2 pranks this April fools day, one masterfully executed by my cousin Sylvie, (which I don't know If I can forgive her for) because I was so very bummed after I found out it was her joke. She posted on her facebook status that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 was being released in May instead of July. I was GLEEFUL. I posted it on a friends page. And the only reason I fell for it was because I didn't think Miss Sylvie was the prankster type. (I should KNOW better, I live with her for gods sake.)

But no, it's still being released on or around July 15th.

Sad. Face. FOREVER! You don't fuck around with a nerd and Harry Potter.

I'll have to get over myself with that one. (I told her she was a stinker, and she laughed and laughed at my disgruntled face!) which I'm sure will happen within moments.

And the other "prank" was by Gmail/Google. Seriously. I'll let you see for yourself.

Now, I wouldn't have fallen for it under normal April 1st circumstances, as I'm pretty wary of anything on that day, and I'm really freaking gullible. But the clincher was that it was linked in my gmail inbox, up in the navigation bars as a new product. Now, admittedly, my email could have possibly been open since the 1st in my browser and and I never actually refreshed the page. but aren't AFD pranks supposed to happen on the 1st, not the 3rd of April? (and technically, aren't pranks supposed to occur only until noon on the first?) I checked it out today and was flabbergasted at the concept, mainly because people would look like total tools dancing around in front of their webcams.

I can type faster than I could charades out a freaking email.

And while I thought looked ridiculous, but more for the guy demoing it than the concept itself. Dude was totally a Creepy McCreeperson. All I could think was poor planning on Google's advertising team! LOL!

though I have to give both Sylvie and Google credit, for as paranoid a person as I am around the first of April, they totally snookered me.

Here's a video that nicely sums up how much I dislike April fools day, It's from Canadian sitcom Corner Gas, and features my favourite character (Davis).



The reasons mostly being that I feel like most pranks are usually malicious and poorly thought out. For example, as a kid, I thought it would be hilarious to put water into the section of the food processor that was used to push food towards the blades. HAHAhahaha...ha..hhhaaaaa.... *sighs* Yes, electrical devices and water, and spinning razor sharp blades. I never said I was brilliant at the age of 10. (I didn't actually do that one, I thought I would get in tons of shit for it.)

Most of my friends seem to rotate around the concept that announcing pregnancies and relationship statuses on facebook was the theme of the day. You know, the kind of blatantly obvious jokes that only fool the people who don't know the actual date.

Except for Sylvie. Who successfully yanked my chain.